By Jack Meaney, Jesse Paulsen, and Matt Klinman

DREAM HUNTER
Sergio Von Hammero

How it starts: “Sergio looked at his wristwatch- it was still early in the morning. Ughh, he groaned, too early for killing. Or was it?”

Jack Meaney - I’ve read most of the Hammero series, and I have to say, I was really excited about this latest development.
We’ve seen Hammero hunt many places: the jungle, pyramids, nuclear silos, rooftops, etc. But we’ve never seen him hunt in dreams. Do we finally find out why one eye is so blue?

Matt Klinman - Having still not found out why one of The Hunter’s eyes is blue, I left this latest installment in the series profoundly disappointed. I have been duped yet again by a hack author who has little to no sense of the real. Where is the appendix explaining the exact chemical properties of the Dream Stone that allowed The Hunter to travel into dreams? I doubt the Hammero even knows!

Jesse Paulsen - Personally, I loved the new Hammero book. The decision to leave the protagonist’s one very blue eye a mystery was a wonderful quirky way to let the reader know: “This Dream Hunter won’t be tied down anytime soon.” Sergio, a picaresque portrait of the post-punk party-boi, is a hero for all men, especially hunters.

TO HOLD INFINITY
John Meaney

How it starts: “Do I pick it up? Like this…? Shit, this isn’t working,” Zamulisp grunted and gave up. She heaved a heavy sigh and put her face in her hands. All those years of school and she still couldn’t hold even half of infinity. Zotarabelle looked at her best friend. She knew the only thing that would cheer her up. They started to make out like hyenas.

JP-Sex, meditation, aliens, the future, and a whole lot of sex. Wow. This mind-bending/melting masterpiece is not an experience for the light-hearted. There is no need to go outside of the bathroom for excitement this spring break as long as this novel is in your hands. “Long live the life of love and infinity.” Amen.

MK - I don’t read impossible things! Come back with something I can conceptualize Mr. Meaney!

JM - I was immediately turned onto John Meaney’s work because of his name. I was immediately turned off by his vernacular. Using terms like “infinite sex” and “millenium fuck”- these terms mean nothing to me. Mr. Meaney, go back to your roots, take us back to Xenonz 9, where the grass is green, the sky is blue, and everyone has boobs.

DUNCAN’S COVE
Fami Oyler

How it starts: It was a bright and beautiful day in Seahaven Village, and Julie couldn’t wait to get down to the perfect, serene beach for a day of utter relaxation and sensual rest.She squeezed on her new bikini. It was white with red polka dots, and was very revealing. She felt very sexy.

JM- I didn’t really get into this one the way I thought I would. The cover led me to believe that there was going to be some kind of nautical, swash-buckling tale about buccaneers, buried fortunes, and ghosts. It was somewhat nautical- there was a cove, and also a lot of similes that involved frothy waves, ocean tides, and sinking vessels. I was disappointed the author, Fami (sp?) Oyler, focused more on Duncan, and less on the cove . Also, I didn’t even notice the woman painting on the shore behind Duncan, but the story is more or less about how she wants to get boned.

MK - Having read this pitiful attempt at word-porn, I feel it is safe to say that Fami (sp?) Oyler should not be entitled to his (or her?) own genitals, let alone be entrusted with the genitalia of another! As much as I wanted to love the female protagonist, I found her erotic experiences in Duncan’s clumsy hands to be hackneyed, unimaginative and, frankly, beneath her (no pun intended).

JP - Fami (sp?) Oyler has written a giant pile of pure gold stuff. For idiots. For idiots without a love life. Duncan, our protagonist, who failed to live up to the hunk-monster we all see depicted on the cover, is more like a modern-day Frankenstein’s Monster with a libido in hyper-drive. His unfortunate female counterpart, Ms.Hufferpoos, never seemed to catch her breath in between wild and impossible love-making sessions with the greasy and impassioned Duncan. Read this for an idea of who to avoid while in Daytona Beach over break.

THE FAR SIDE OF THE STARS
David Drake

How it starts: “Arggghhh!!! God damn this robot suit of mine!” Captain Goomchip screamed so loud that the glass separating his face from the great void of space trembled timorously. Then his wife knocked on the locked bathroom door and started to bitch at him for not finishing the novel in time. I couldn’t believe her intolerance. But then the space ship took off and Goomchip and his crew of mini-robots didn’t have time to think about things like that.

MK - A fair attempt at a mech-epic. Bogged down by too much biblical allusion (Abrabot’s robocision, please…) and not enough scientific inquiry. The first half held my attention fine but the entire novel takes a turn for the worse about half way through with a development of the mech-kitten sub plot. What kitten deserves a mech? NONE!

JP-What the hell is this book about??!!!! David Drake rambles for over 5,000 pages about space, his failing marriage, and his anger management problems. The author’s style of switching back and forth from science fiction and emotional diary is both confusing and aesthetically stupid. The most interesting thing about this book is the cover—so sweet, right?! Might be good for a really long flight or train-ride, otherwise don’t bother.

JM - For once, I read something that made sense to me! Immediately the reader connects with Goomchip and his tangle of space, marital, and cat related problems. A particularly powerful passage, “We have each other, wife! I couldn’t believe I had said it. Meanwhile, Goomchip was surrounded by aliens. It was over.” Drake does it again.

HIGH SCHOOL HOT ZONE
Eleanor Hoslxic

How it starts: Daniel Stone had always suspected chemistry was his favorite subject, but it took the death of young Marie Radcliffe to make him certain of it. He held her in his muscular arms as she died of sixth-degree burns to her major organs and swore to her that no one would ever die in the high school’s mysterious heat vortex ever again. “If I must not sleep until I discover the chemical processes of this god forsaken hot zone,” he told her. “Then so be it!”

MK - A perfect novel. Never have I been so moved by the actions of a fictional character. Daniel Stone shows the courage and strength of mind I find instantly relatable. Do your self a favor, if you must not sleep until you reach the spine tingling finale of this book, then so be it!

JP - Unfortunately, the fast pace that this novel started with was impossible to maintain. With so much information in the first paragraph, Hot Zone spends its remaining pages telling the tale of Dan’s sleepless days working with the “Hot Zone.” “Why did we ever install this god forsaken device?” the science teacher, Mr. Yansykurnt, screams in the book’s penultimate chapter; “I don’t know but I’m not going to sleep until I figure it out” Daniel replies, answering nothing.

JM - I didn’t understand the connection between the cover, and the actual ages of the characters in the book. But perhaps this is one of the book’s strengths, as I couldn’t stop looking back at the cover while I read it.

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